Yazz


 


Yasmin Genevive Hiroshma Evans was born in 1960 in Shepherds Bush as half-Jamaican and immediately joined a band called Pastiche. She got a job as a DJ and was "physically touched by evil" on the streets. She also recorded with a group called Biz (nothing to do with Nicola's Bryant or CITV, alas). Waitressing and working as a cat-walk model to earn money for studio time, she eventually secured a deal and a guest spot on choppy experimental Coldcut single "Doctorin' the House", in no way a sequel to "Doctorin' the TARDIS" which is something else entirely. It was a hit!

Within seconds, the world was enthralled to the mad woman with long legs and spiky bleached white hair. Small children were usually named "Yazz" and the Pope declared that "The only way is up. For you and me now. Baby.". What historians would come to call The Age of Yazz had dawned.





The "Wanted" album - is it me, or are those eyes hungry for cock?

"The Only Way Is Up", this time billed to Yazz and the Plastic Population (and seemingly influenced by a sample on "Doctorin' the House" of a song called "Plastic Man"), became rooted to Number 1 for a billion years. The chart-topping album "Wanted" soon followed (with a generous eight tracks), and the single "Stand Up For Your Love Rights" made number 2. It's now forgotten and lost, but it's quite good. FACT!

Third single "Fine Time", a tender ballad, also hit the Top 10 although Evans (surname of lost icons) luck ran dry when the canny moose mined a fourth single "Where Has All The Love Gone" off the album. As inevitable as a DFS furniture sale in February came "Wanted: The Remixes" with re-tooled versions of all the hits. God bless 'er. Meanwhile, the Yazzster (as no-one called her) popped a sprog to celebrate. She literally did.



Yazz was an early inspiration for Benny Summerfield from the Doctor Who book series
 

It took five years for "One On One", the official follow-up to "Wanted" to arrive, and by then the boat had not only sailed, but beached, been re-rigged and turned into a novelty restaurant with anchors on the walls and little round portholes you could look out of as you ate your hake. Unsurprisingly, the "One True Woman" single could only scrape the Top 75 and all that was left for poor Yazz was a wretched flop duet with Aswad. It's the last bastion of hope for all scoundrels.

Aswad, yesterday. Never knowingly under-dressed while doing the weekly shop

A further album, "Natural Life" followed in 1997, including a cover of the Jacksons "Never Can Say Goodbye", but it was only released in Asia. She forgets all about this era in the biography on her official site, the absent minded monkey.

She then moved to Spain, became a minister and worked amid drug addicts and alcoholics.

The "Natural Life" album - HAIR!!
 

She's been "on a soul searching journey" for nine years. "My heart was breaking, and I had become deeply distressed and disillusioned with what I was seeing happening all around me in the music industry," explains Yazz of the "popular" years, "I had to make some decisions,.. big decisions. This was the beginning of my search for healing, wisdom, for truth and for purpose". Well that sorts that out then.

"Why am I here? Where am I going and why? Why’s the world such a mess? Why the pain?" she goes on. Alright love, don't depress us.

As ever, God ordered her to make a new album, and thus it hoved into view, slipping through the Gates of Eden this very year of our Lord, 2007:



Running back to the charts? - the new album.

It's "an expression of my heart’s love and conversations with my Father God Almighty" and "inspired by prayer and scriptures" claims Y. But not on Amazon, tellingly. Pity the Yasmin Evans and her internet-only tunes.



The snappily titled "At Her Very Best And All The Greatest Hits":

It should surely have been called "Where Have All The Hits Gone". But it has everything on it, in order! Hurrah! Unfortunately this means a trip to Lost Central around the duet with Sugar Minott at Track 10. Also I'm not sure we needed another version of "The Only Way Is Up" to make it up to (yeesh!) 20 tracks. Know when to stop woman!

"Starting your solo career with a song called 'The Only Way is Up' was just tempting fate." notes one Amazon purchaser, sagely. Also, apparently the sleeve contains pictures of singles missed off the album.

"Wanted" is on Ebay for a shiny penny - I've just bid!






The official site. Download her new album for £12. It's the holy thing to do.

www.yazzmusic.co.uk

Proof that God exists: (she wants you to know). Proof!

www.proofthatgodexists.org


Be her Myspace friend (and join the other 33 of her mates) and hear some of her new music (it's rubbish):

myspace.com/yazzmusic




Yazz, today. Mates with God.