The Whovian English Dictionary (click here for a little history)

Updated (finally!!) 17th May 2004


Alzarius Slang term for Mr Jolson's body parts (oft. vulg.)

Androgum Genderless Wrigley's

Arbitan Compulsory bronzing of the skin (cf. California)

Argolis cosmic catalogue shop

Ark in Space Saying used in the 23rd Century Martian colony of New Yorkshire

Aukon Dishonest iron mining scheme

Axonite Evening dedicated to the all consuming French insurance company


Bandril Prohibiting DIY

Beevers Poetry (usually about honey)

Borad "Dennis Brent would like to meet a nice young lady for fun and possibly moreā€¦"


Captain Dent  Superficial damage to a military hat box

Castrovalva The private parts of a Cuban dictator's wife

Centauri The peculiar smell of a member of the Conservative Party

Chessene Childish means of deciding who plays white and who black (full version "chessene meenie miny moe"

Chesterton Extremely heavy breast implants

Chronovore Someone who eats old ladies

Cornell  The lusty cry of King Charles II

Crusade A soft drink which tastes like a North Western rail junction

Cybermats Goes under your cybermouse to protect it from your cyberdesk


Daleks Roald's former wife

Doctor Being shown round a port (cf "Hello sailor")

Doland Homer Simpson theme park


Ergon Scouse term meaning "bald"

Excalibur Tom Baker judging a woman worthy of briefly being his wife


Fang Rock Vampiric Metallica


Ghostlight A low calorie alternative to ghosts

Gravis The lead singer of Pulp gets even more serious

Grimwade The art of viewing all of Season 24 one after the other

Guardian Place Mr Chesterton in protected custody


Harrison Chase To molest someone and then pursue them

Hartnell Frequent ending to correspondence between Miss Gwyne and King Charles

HAVOC Special type of Sandminer robot designed to be humorous



Jaconda Breed of snake which goes up hills to fetch pails of water

Jondar Device for locating American toilets


Karfel Dubious item on a motor insurance claim form

Katryca Someone with a feline aroma

Kemble Barbie's boyfriend telling lies

Kilgarriff Will Young's plot for career longevity

Kroton Small pieces of bread put in particularly dull soup


Lasky Means of opening a Lancastrian chastity belt


Mandragora A closet transvestite

Matrix Jokes played one month after April Fools

McCoy Shy Scotsman

Mechanoids Anal complaint caused by too much bingo

Mechanus A Roman garage worker

Menoptra Given the choice, males will always choose the wrong option

Melkur A dog with red hair

Mentor Gay coach trip

Miniscope A verdict on the "Italian Job" chase sequence

Mr Sin The painful realisation of a man worn out by gluttony, sloth, greed, lust, anger and pride

Monoid To be really angry about a very specific thing

Morbius A pub with a late licence

Morgaine The opposite of Slimfast

Morok People who can't get enough of The Darkness


Necros - younger brother of Jonathan, became a vampire and now sucks even more than Paul

Nicholas Briggs Beryl Reid's half naked space captain

Nyder Kind of synthetic stupidity developed in New York



Paradise 2 gaming cubes

Perivale A town in the Potteries with two large hills

Perpugilliam "Brazil" director's family cat rations its affection

Pertwee The art of urinating in an arrogant manner

Professor Hayter  Someone with a genuine loathing of the McCoy era


Quark Sound made by a very posh duck


Ribos Bok's favourite brand of training shoe

Robert Holmes Books which teach people how to steal

Robin Bland Mythical outlaw who robbed from the dull and gave to the mildly uninteresting

Rutan The act of regretting too long spent on the sunbed


Scarlioni To disfigure David Duchovny's wife

Sensesphere The fragrant ball in a roll-on deodorant

Sensorites A philosophical battle between feelings and morals

Shada Where Chico Marx goes to get out of the sun

Shearman To remove ones beard

Skaro Disposable Dalek writing implement

Sladen To make something resemble Noddy Holder

Soldeed Document conferring legal ownership of the sun

Sontaran Mr & Mrs Capel's boy

Spiders Really obvious things taught to secret agents

Starliner Sanitary towel for celebrities

Sullivan To stain a Ford Transit

Sutehk The former name of The University of Su

Sylvester Person who clothes Nabil Shaban


T-Mat  Added to the traditional tea-set when it was introduced in America as the locals kept trying to bomb the sugar bowl

Tardis To be disrespectful to someone who is always late

Tekker Big fan of Shatner's Tek Wars

Telos Terry Venables' failed PC operating system

Terminus aka "semester" at American Universities

Terradon Fear of The Godfather

Terrance Dicks Pointy wooden objects native to planet Earth

Tractator Spud stalker

Traken Cilla Black saying goodbye to Ken Dodd (slang: an aristocratic railway authority; see also Railtraken)

Troughton The bizarre practice of wearing a fish as a hat


Underworld Lingerie superstore

UNIT Brusque order given to Begonia Pope


Vervoids Anal complaint caused by listening to "Bittersweet Symphony"

Vizlor Rules of conduct in adult comics


War Machine The act of heating the actor who plays President Bartlet in West Wing

Waterfield Place where Glastonbury is held each year

Waterhouse A very large lavatory


Xeros Politically correct way of making noughts and crosses equal